My Story
In 1990 while attending a “self-improvement” seminar I was introduced to a five step growth/transformation process. Felt the need to “Find Myself” and discover the formula for how to become “The Best Version of Who You Can Be.”
Was in a low-grade existential crisis. Nothing made sense. All the questions were arising….Why am I here? What is the purpose of life? Dear God, Why did you give me type 1 diabetes when I was 14 years old? How do I heal myself? I felt broken and I was searching for the healing path…..The way back “home.”
That five step process I was introduced to was called “The Growth Process”. Think of a Tree; The seed is planted in the ground and surrounded by ‘darkness’ – roots sprout and explore – the trunk emerges and integrates – then, branches leaves and flowers blossom – and, finally, the fruit is born and celebrated.
Lo and behold, within the fruit is contained another seed. The cause is contained within the effect. The effect is contained in the cause!
I understood the analogy. It made sense. These five steps/phases provided a framework to begin to explore deeper the path of healing. “Maybe I can cure it!
This is A “map of the territory.” This is not The map. This is not something I invented. It was revealed to me.
Between 1999 – 2001 I experienced a personal paradigm shift. If you were here during this time you know that a shift happened globally as well. Still searching but not finding. The management of diabetes became almost unbearable. Injecting insulin six to eight times a day. Blood sugar swings were wide. Something had to change.
I came to a “Hard No”! It was literally life or death. If I continued on the current track I would soon begin to experience complications associated with high blood sugar. Nothing serious. Just kidney failure, retinopathy in the eyes or maybe amputation of a toe or two.
Type One diabetes is a very misunderstood chronic physical condition. It is a serious condition which requires 24/7 maintenance and management. 95% of people with diabetes have Type 2. Type 2’s causes are metabolic. The cause of Type 1 is an attack from your own immune system on the cells in the pancreas that produce insulin. Why does the immune system attack a critical organ which has a critical function necessary for the body’s survival?
They told me in November of 1976 that the cause was genetic; some malfunctioning recessive gene. Other suggested causes of this immune system response are a reaction to cow’s milk, an allergy, vaccines…..The list goes on. I don’t think they really know. All I knew is that I had to inject insulin in order to stay here.
I share this with you because up to this point in my life, where I needed to change course or I was going to die, I always felt victimized by the diagnosis. I didn’t ask for it. It separated me from others. I was compromised now when I played soccer and hockey and golf….the three things at the time that I loved to do most and was relatively good at. I was fourteen. Just entering high school. Just beginning the process of being the best version of who I wanted to be and then BOOM.
It is not just the injections. It was the swing in blood sugars. Glucose travels through the blood stream and feeds the cells of the body. Glucose is the body’s energy; the fuel. Insulin is a hormone produced by the pancreas. When we eat and we metabolize the food into glucose (sugar), the pancreas secretes and pumps insulin into the blood as the glucose rises. Insulin docks onto the cell wall and unlocks a portal/gate/door to allow the glucose to enter in and provide the cell with the energy it needs to function. Without Insulin, the glucose stays in the blood and cannot feed the cell.
Now here is the tricky part…..After the pancreas is attacked by its own immune system there is no more insulin available. The glucose molecules stay in the blood stream and cannot enter the cell. The cells begin to starve and at the same time, the blood sugar level goes up. That’s Not ALL! The body recognizes that the cells are starving and the glucose level is high. The liver begins to break down and secrete glycogen as a back up fuel source. The kidneys go into overdrive in attempt to flush the excess sugar from the blood. There is more…..Glucose molecules have the shape of and the effect of shards of glass. When blood glucose levels rise it is like the body is flooded with too much fuel and that fuel is abrasive to the small capillaries throughout the body….eyes, kidneys and extremities.
The destruction of the ability to produce insulin in the human body is equivalent to what software developers call ‘A Single Point of Failure.”
The Choice
I was seeking a healing. I needed a healing. It first took the form of an assumption. Instead of being and thinking and acting and talking like a victim of circumstances, I held the assumption that I was not a victim. Instead, I held the belief (assumed) that everything that had happened to me up to that point was all for the good. Instead of acting like a victim I would confront life and its’ challenges with the conscious approach that I was the cause…..for everything.
It was a theory at first. I tested it. It didn’t work right away. However, like when a cruise ship wants to make a 180 degree turn, it required time and space.